Courageous Women: Riding life’s rapids

 

‎”In the end it is all going to work out. And if it doesn’t work, then it is not the end.”Indian saying:

Today I awoke with these words resounding in my head – I can picture the scene I the ‘Best exotic marigold hotel’ where the young Indian who has been trying so hard says in desperation – In India we have a saying, everything will be all right in the end, if it is not alright, it is not the end!

The passion in his voice and the pure desperation reflected in his face … I feel that today. That is my daily reality. My battle cry in the sea of doubt and fear and anguish I am riding in. Today I spoke aloud, It is NOT alright so it can’t be the end!

I stare in the face of all of this

All I can see is a deep, dark hole

Too little sleep for too many days

Too scared of dreams beyond my control

Last night I dreamt that I rode a kayak

around the cove

Initially all was calm

I was enjoying the ride but then

all of a sudden,

Without warning I paddled right into the rapids

All was outside my control

I could do nothing

 I put down my oars and willed myself to survive

I saw a shark’s fin and then it raised its head and met my eyes

with a toothy grin

and I knew that all was lost if I was to lose my footing

Somehow I managed to stay afloat

And navigated my way into friendlier waters

where a man and woman aboard a dinghy

helped me climb aboard their ship to safety

Not a moment too soon

The very next wave swamped my kayak and it was no more

I guess once more

it was NOT the end

even in my dreams I was safe

to fight on for another day

 

I guess, thinking on it now, this dream is very true to life. So often I have though, THIS must be the end – How can I possibly get through this??!

But then, there is the friend who just happens to be nearby that puts their arm around me and supports me, and cries with me …

And the gifts and cards that take me by surprise and make me cry because those are the moments when I see, even if it is only briefly, that I matter somehow, in some small way …

And that despite how alone I feel – I feel like I am out in deep waters encountering rapids with a kayak that is barely afloat, the reality is that all around me at every point along the cove, there are people standing there, watching me intently to see that I make it through …

This thought is encouraging beyond belief!

To realise that my sense of aloneness and isolation is but an illusion.

If I but stand up on my kayak and lift my head above the waves that threaten to swamp me, I will see that there is a whole community of people – family & friends who love and support me.

Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending -- to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends. Brene' Brown, Rising Strong:

This leads me to conclude,

with more conviction than previously when I began writing,

That if it is NOT okay,

Then it is truly not the end

 

To everyone out there who is struggling, who is being trodden on and downcast, to those of you who feel like no one cares, lift your eyes above the waves,

Know that you are loved beyond measure

You are never alone

Around the next corner are people who love you and who want to rescue you

and take you to safety

I always tell myself "It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.":

Accept the help

It’s okay to admit that you’re scared and feeling helpless

You’re not alone

I’m not alone

We’re in this together

love Christy xxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About christysarah99

This blog is for all the Courageous Women out there who have stood up to their man and ended the cycle of abuse for them, their children & their families. I separated from my husband in January 2014 due to his emotional abuse and violent behaviour. I believe strongly that NO WOMAN should stay in an abusive relationship.
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