Courageous Women: Discovering the “real me”

I’ve been so tired lately.

Tired of being tired. Tired of second guessing everything that I do. Every text that I send. Every thing that I say.

Sometimes I wonder that if I’m so scared of offending people, maybe I’m not hanging around the right people. But I’m not sure if that’s just me overthinking and over-dramatising everything.

It’s hard, this world we live in, this life we lead.

Wish it was easier to navigate your way through.

That a clear path would open up right in front of you and that all other paths would be clearly roadmarked as “Unsafe – dangerous potholes ahead.”

Lately I’ve been trying to navigate my way through the uncharted waters of life and I’ve gotten a bit burned tbh.

Some of it has clearly been my fault. Throwing myself into new relationships recklessly only to realise that they never actually wanted to get to know me or be with me, they just liked the idea of me but once they had me they couldn’t get away fast enough ..

Other things haven’t been anybody’s fault, but are just a part of life..

I think in honesty, it is hard when a whole lot of shit things happen at once ..

I think that’s when you really get knocked down and it’s harder to climb back up.

Cause I’ve had quite a few really big changes in my life.

I’ve gone from being married to being divorced.

I went from being a nurse to having no job and then now I’m in childcare.

I went from having pretty good health to being constantly in some state of ill health for the last few years on and off – it’s extremely wearying to say the least.

All of these things add to my anxiety.

Anxiety around relationships.. A strong desire to be a gf but then alongside that is a fear that my past will interfere with new relationships. That my anxiety will kick in and scare guys away. A fear that if I do completely let my walls down and then end up getting hurt AGAIN, will this cause a wound too deep that may in fact break me?

How strong am I? How strong do I need to be?

You might bend, but you will not break www.thecommitteddreamer.co.za:

It’s so hard to find the balance between maintaining my independence but then being able to admit when things are actually too much for me.

Lets be honest,

we all need help sometimes.

life is not meant to be lived alone

we are made for community

and to connect with others

we need friends and family

So it’s learning to be my own person but not block people out.

Learning to let people in and allow them to see the real me. The me that is at times messier and a bit more hopeless than I would like. But the real me nevertheless.

I'm figuring it out as I go, doing my best, just as you are. Just because we have walked different paths does not make us separate. Like it or not we're All in this together, all destined to the same end. Life is too short. Spend your time creating & discovering yourself, not judging others' attempts to do the same.:

Cause at the end of the day, if we can’t be real with each other, with those closest to us, what is the point of life?

I don’t want to tiptoe around always on my best behaviour in case of rocking the boat.

I need to be free to be me.

This is what life’s all about.

Discovering who I am and then asking those around me to join with me on that journey of discovery.

And if I lose a few people along the way, so be it. At least I will be happy and at least I will know who I am and what I’m about.

~~ For within each choice and decision we make, we discover a little more about who we are... Are we fighters? Are we lovers? Are we hopelessly incorrigible? Put yourself out there... You might be surprised.:

 

Well, here’s my thoughts on a page,

lots of love,

Christy x

Lessons Learned in Life | To encourage you to keep going. To remind you to be strong. Lessons Learned In Life® Copyright © 2013™ | Page 4:

 

 

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About christysarah99

This blog is for all the Courageous Women out there who have stood up to their man and ended the cycle of abuse for them, their children & their families. I separated from my husband in January 2014 due to his emotional abuse and violent behaviour. I believe strongly that NO WOMAN should stay in an abusive relationship.
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3 Responses to Courageous Women: Discovering the “real me”

  1. Bronwyn says:

    Well written Christy.
    Be true to who God made you to be. Stand tall in His strength.

    Love you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s hard sometimes to be who we are meant to be… There will always be someone who appreciates you just the way you are. 💖

    Like

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